


waiting to step forward

by brynnmclean (ilfirin_estel)



Series: cast some light 'verse [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cassian Andor: Cunnilingus Addict, Enthusiastic Consent, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Jyn and Bodhi are bros, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 15:57:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10441419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilfirin_estel/pseuds/brynnmclean
Summary: “I’ve got a taste for it,” Cassian murmurs, looking up at Jyn through his eyelashes.Or, the one where Jyn forgets to wear a scarf and Cassian gets to pin Jyn to a wall for a change.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This might make a tiny bit more sense if you read the previous part, but I think all you really need to know is that Jyn has a history of rushed one-sided sexual encounters until Cassian is like, "hey, I want to go down on you, if that's cool with you?"

Jyn is used to marks on her skin. Her body is littered with bruises and scars, old and new, some of them from times when she barely scraped herself out of Death’s reach, others small and innocuous like a busted lip from a sparring match. Cassian is the same—not the same scars or stories, but he carries violence on his body in a similar way she does, rough and calloused and normal.

Except. Except for the marks she’s left on him, most of them carefully hidden beneath his clothes, save the ones at his throat, dark purple-red or fading yellow, depending on when she sucked them into his throat. Those bruises are different. She likes leaving those where they can be seen in small glimpses, peeking out over the collars of his shirts and jackets, proof that Cassian let her in. He’s usually calm and cool and collected with his spymaster veneer, but she’s found ways to make him laugh. And she can make him shake apart beneath her hands, her lips, her tongue, her teeth.

When they first started having sex, Jyn didn’t let Cassian touch her, so there were no signs that he’d slipped past her defenses. But when she let him, it didn’t occur to her that he might leave the same kind of marks on her, visible for the whole world to see.

Bodhi startles Jyn when she meets him early for breakfast, his eyes gone wide and his face trying to make five expressions at once when he looks at her.

“What is it?” she asks him, looking down at her clothes because her first thought is that maybe she put her shirt on inside out when she scooped it up off the floor this morning. 

She hasn’t had caf yet and it really is early—she and Bodhi have been sneaking into the mess for months, trying to beat the breakfast rush to the actually decent caf before only the burnt motor oil is left. It was Bodhi’s idea, and it’s a ritual for the two of them now while they’re both on base. Jyn’s not sure how he got the intel, but he also discovered that one of the cooks makes these amazing honey-cakes. Jyn doesn’t always make it to the mess in time and whichever cook doesn’t always bake the pastries, but when they make it, she and Bodhi try to go in early and grab enough portions for the Rogue One crew.

Jyn will never admit it aloud, but it’s one of her favorite little personal missions—sneaking into the kitchens with Bodhi and stifling a grin as Bodhi awkwardly, endearingly charms his way into getting the extra food. Jyn steals a carafe of the caf and a few small rations of sugar while the kitchen staff is distracted, and then she and Bodhi take their winnings back to Bodhi’s cargo ship.

They definitely don’t fool anyone, especially with how obvious they are about bringing the carafe back later, but it’s _fun._ And it’s an excellent excuse to get the Rogue One crew together in one space away from the rest of the Rebellion.

“Is there something on my face?” Jyn asks Bodhi, a little drily. Her clothes look in order to her, but Bodhi shifts his weight and coughs.

“Um.” He taps his index finger against his neck. There’s a tiny smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “I think you forgot to wear a scarf. It looks like Cassian, ah, got you.”

Jyn’s hand flies up to her throat. “Oh,” she says, faintly, her cheeks heating up as she thinks about the night before, how Cassian had—well. She shuts that line of thought down fast because if she thinks about Cassian’s mouth on her neck, she’ll think about the other places he’d kissed. 

Bodhi watches her out of the corner of his eye and clears his throat. “I don’t need details,” he says, only a little teasing, mostly just careful. “But I am happy for you two.”

She’s supposed to laugh or smirk or deflect or— _something,_ and maybe she would if this were anyone else talking to her. But this is Bodhi, who has seen her at her worst and her best and who is—important. Her friend. She still has some trouble wrapping her head around the fact that there are people in her life now who feel safe.

“Thanks,” she manages after a minute. _It’s new,_ she wants to add, but the words won’t come and she can’t explain why it feels new, her and Cassian. Jyn has been caught in Cassian’s orbit since the day they met, letting the gravitational pull between them strengthen until it’s gone bone-deep. It’s not new. But it feels different now.

She and Cassian have been having sex for months now. The only thing that has changed is that Cassian inexplicably wants to… reciprocate when it comes to sex. _I want to make you feel good,_ she remembers him saying, soft and low and earnest. _I’d like to make you come._

Jyn shivers, the blush staining her cheeks deepening and spreading. Yeah. It’s different. She’s let him in.

She drops her hand down to her side— _fine, let them see_ —and straightens her shoulders, tugging a grin to her face. “Come on, the others’ll be grumpy if we don’t get the good caf.”

Bodhi’s laugh warms her as they resume their very important breakfast mission.

-

The Rogue One crew is all still on leave, sort of. There are no real breaks in the Rebellion, just a shifting of priorities and personnel to medical or training or ship repairs. When the opportunity presents itself for rest to avoid a burn-out, a part of Jyn is very glad that they get to take it. She doesn’t really know how to stay idle, but she likes seeing the dark circles and haggard lines of exhaustion fade from her friends’ faces.

As embarrassing as it can be, she likes being the cause of their good humor, too. When Kaytoo displays his usual tact and loudly points out the state of Jyn’s neck during breakfast—there are apparently a couple more than the one Bodhi pointed out—Chirrut and Baze both light up and the conversation becomes good-natured ribbing at Jyn and Cassian’s expense. They don’t say it outright like Bodhi did, but Chirrut’s sly laughter and the gentle smile that Baze shoots Jyn’s way are confirmation enough of how happy they are that she and Cassian are _getting their shit together,_ as Chirrut so nicely puts it.

When Baze and Chirrut start bickering about the start of their own relationship—Chirrut cites years of openly flirting with an oblivious Baze—Cassian casually puts his hand on the bench he and Jyn are sharing, an invitation there in the space between their bodies.

Letting her hand fall over his sounds like it should be simple, easy—it’s such a small, quiet gesture of affection in the safe camaraderie of the room—but her heart races and her palms itch. She finds her courage somehow, gratified when he flips his hand over to entwine his fingers with hers.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why she doesn’t go back to their room for a scarf.

She spends the whole day hyper aware of every glance she gets. There are quick looks that definitely light on her neck, but not even Han Solo drawls anything obnoxious.

Cassian’s gaze on her, though, feels more charged than usual, the shadow of a smile marring his customary neutral expression. His fingertips linger against hers when he hands her a datapad, his shoulder knocks into hers when they walk, he very lightly touches the small of her back when he crosses behind her. He stays close, and a slow, distracting heat builds within her until she can barely think about anything else besides the desire pulsing through her veins.

A week ago, she would have yanked him into a storage closet or jumped him in an abandoned corridor. But when she remembers getting her hands on him for a quick fuck, she sees what didn’t register before: her reflexively pushing him away, the longing in his eyes shuttering quickly as she’d step out of his reach. She knows now that he doesn’t want that. Neither does she.

Cassian is in some discussion with Kaytoo out of Jyn’s earshot when she finally breaks. She doesn’t know what she says exactly, some excuse she forgets the second it comes out of her mouth, but her intention must be clear because Kaytoo says something pissy and disgruntled when Cassian comes to Jyn’s side and keeps on walking in the direction of their quarters. 

Cassian kisses her as soon as the door to their room slides shut, palms cradling her face. She fists her hands in his jacket for balance because it feels like her heart has seized in her chest. _Finally,_ she thinks, licking into his mouth, trying to catch the breath he’s stolen from her.

“Hi,” he says when he pulls away, one of his hands moving down to splay against the side of her neck, thumb caressing her cheek.

“Hi,” she replies, inanely, then throws more words at him: “Thanks for torturing me all day.”

Cassian raises an eyebrow, but his mouth curves with delight. She wants to shove her hands in his hair and dart in to bite his bottom lip, so she chases that impulse and greedily swallows the groan he makes. She finds herself with her back up against the wall between one breath and the next.

“I can make it up to you, if you’d like,” Cassian says as he presses kisses all over her face, sweet brushes of his mouth contrasting how he’s boxed her in. “You have no idea how tempting you’ve looked.”

“These marks I’ve been sporting had better be a declaration of intent,” she blurts out, and barely stops herself from growling when he goes still against her.

He pulls back to look her in the eye. “Was you letting them show an invitation?” There across his face are slivers of the longing he used to lock away.

Her throat is suddenly tight. “I want you,” she manages, the words unsteady but not uncertain. She holds his gaze as she says them. It’s worth it for the wonder that breaks through the cracks in the walls of him. So far the honesty has been worth the fear, when she’s let him in. “Please,” she says, pulling him in and giving herself over.

Cassian’s hand is warm when he slides it beneath Jyn’s undershirt, skirting along her waistband in a tease or a question—maybe both, she thinks because he huffs a laugh against her ear when her hips jerk into his touch. His fingers are quick as he undoes her belt and fly and dips one hand into her underwear. Reflexively, she grasps his forearm, her voice strangled around the word _wait._ It registers somehow, or he must remember how jumpy she is because he cups her cunt for a moment, both gentle and proprietary.

She’s absurdly grateful that he pauses to let her adjust to his hand on her even as it drives her mad with the conflicting need for him to _move._ “Cass,” she hisses, loosening her grip on his arm and rocking against his palm. A whine tumbles out of her throat when he adjusts to rub careful circles with his thumb over and around her clit.

The touch is light but unerring, right there on the sharp edge of sweetness. It’s overwhelming already—she can’t think, breath caught in her throat, everything narrowed down to one bright point. She doesn’t care about the needy sounds that spill out of her, how she clutches at him, just as long as he doesn’t stop.

“Stars, Jyn,” he groans, kissing just beneath her ear, beard scraping deliciously against her throat. His free arm braces against the wall behind her, and she feels surrounded by the warmth of him, pinned down. She wants him, the press of him against her, the weight. _Hold me down,_ she thinks, shuddering with want, her heart pounding in her chest. The absence of panic—of fight or flight—is incredible. She doesn’t want to be anywhere else but here.

His breath shivers out against her skin, igniting sparks low in her belly. “Come on,” he murmurs, clever fingers descending to where she’s already so wet. He tags at her entrance, but doesn’t push in, and she wants, she _wants._

“Get—get inside me already,” she gasps, baring her teeth and grinding into him, even though she knows the angle isn’t the greatest and it’s probably going to be hell on his wrist. She can’t remember ever feeling this desperate to be overwhelmed by someone else, someone who won’t let her go.

But he does the exact opposite of what she wants, drawing back and pulling his hand out of her pants. The smile he gives at her glare is knowing, and she fists one hand in his collar to jerk his face down into range so she can bite at his mouth in retaliation.

He doesn’t bite back, just kisses her slow, like there’s plenty of time. Her heart squeezes in her chest every time he kisses her like this, like he wants forever with her. It knocks her off-balance in the best of ways. She’s learning to trust that he’ll catch her.

“It’ll be better if we get you out of these clothes,” he says with that laugh she loves, small and private and just for her.

He’s right and she’s still impatient, so she doesn’t bother wasting time on replying, just kicks off her boots and ungracefully shimmies out of her pants. She picks expediency over sexiness, which he seems to appreciate, because he ignores his own clothes and gets his hands back on her before she can even tug her shirt over her head.

“Should we—” she tries, but he pulls her shirt up and palms her breasts, an effective distraction. “Cassian, the bed is right there.”

“No,” Cassian says, drawing the word out. He smiles into the kiss he gives her. “I like you right here. I want,” he starts, then cuts himself off with a quiet, rumbling sound that vibrates all the way through her. He dips one hand back down to gather her slick onto his fingertips, stroking agonizingly soft along her labia.

Jyn’s torn between so many feelings—vague embarrassment at how wet she is tightening her thighs, but also desperation ratcheting up the fire in her belly, frustration dragging a needy whimper from behind her teeth—and he fucking pulls his hand back away from her again, the teasing bastard. Her stomach drops like she took a turn too fast, stars blurring as Cassian brings his fingers to his mouth to suck the taste of her from his skin.

 _Fuck,_ she thinks, sucking in air like the recovery from a blow, dizzy as she watches his eyes close with heavy-lidded pleasure.

“I want my mouth on you,” he tells her, his voice so low and smile a bright flash of light. She shivers, blinded.

“Again?” she finally manages, surprise shot through her spine as he drops down on his knees and nudges his way between her legs.

“I’ve got a taste for it,” he murmurs, looking up at her through his eyelashes. He presses a kiss to her mound, his eyes dark. She’s going to burn up from the inside out, immolated by this man. His hands on her hips are hot as brands and she willingly opens herself up for him.

“I’m still not used to this,” she admits, because it’s still new, this give and take. This surrendering. They’ve only done this the once—and if she’s honest, part of her didn’t think he’d want to again, still hearing the echo of the old complaint that getting her to come was too much work. _Don’t bother with me,_ is always still her first thought.

But she lets herself get swept up in remembering the sounds Cassian made while licking into her, how he’d gone back to taste her again after she’d already come. And she’d actually _come,_ something she’d never expected to do with someone else. _Stars,_ that mouth of his. She bites back another whimper as she watches his tongue dart out to wet his bottom lip, but there’s a silent laugh clear on his face when he looks at her. He knows, damn him.

“I’ve got you,” Cassian says, trailing open-mouthed kisses along her inner thighs before he gently lifts one of her legs up over his shoulder to give himself better access to her cunt. “Can I?” he asks, and the desire he’s keeping in check crackles in his voice—present, too, in the tremor she feels running through him.

Just his breath on her has the desperate thing in her belly curling tight as a fist. She tilts her head back and shuts her eyes, hips twitching restlessly. “Yes, yes please, Cass,” she gasps, voice breaking because he’s already mouthing at her cunt as soon as she gets the words halfway out.

It’s not like the last time, where he buried his face in her and ate her out with a swift fierceness that left her shaking and sobbing in what felt like seconds. This is a small eternity of him taking his time to savor her with a relentless, steady hunger.

The fire in her builds and builds with each twist of his tongue against her, _inside_ her, leaving her writhing, bucking helplessly against him. He palms her ass and pulls her to him with a low groan when she tries to lean harder against the wall at her back.

“Come on, Jyn,” he says when he comes up for a split second of air, one long stroke of his tongue up to her clit dragging a strangled moan out of her. She hears him shift from his position on the floor, adjusting for balance and hitching her closer, and then he—everything in her goes molten when he rocks her against his mouth, encouraging her to fuck his face.

“You’re—” she starts, but he curls his tongue around her clit and she forgets what she was about to say, cursing loudly and rubbing against him.

She scrabbles against the wall when he slides a finger inside her and starts a steady rhythm that has her shaking apart. The sound he makes when she fists his hair and tugs hard nearly sends her over the edge.

She finally dares to glance down at him, seeing her slick smeared all over his beautiful, clever mouth, but she can’t look for long. Just when it’s almost too much, when the sharp sweetness of it threatens to shatter her, Cassian meets her gaze and sucks her clit hard, and that’s it. She lights up for him, the _need_ in his eyes answering hers and making a bright home inside her whole body.

She comes back to herself slowly, trembling all over. Cassian is pressing soft kisses to her thighs and hips, his finger still gently rocking within her.

“You okay?” he says against her skin, sounding breathless, exhilarated. He looks up at her and his eyes—they sear her again.

She hiccups a laugh and slides her leg off his shoulder. She has to swallow twice before finding her voice. “Come up here and hold me.”

He carefully slides his finger out of her and licks his hand clean before he rises to his feet and gathers her up in his arms. He’s still fully clothed, she’s still half clothed, and another laugh bursts out of her because it strikes her as _ridiculous_ —she wants the bed and his bare skin against hers, but she’s honestly not sure if she can walk the five steps to their bunk. 

With clumsy hands, she yanks his shirt out from his pants and tries to tug it off. “Get this off,” she says, wondering how loud she must have yelled to have her voice sound so wrecked.

He sheds his shirt and toes off his boots, pulling her to him and swiftly maneuvering them to the bed. She approves of this, except for the part where she falls onto the mattress and Cassian doesn’t follow suit.

“Just a second,” he says at the look she gives him, his hands at his belt. But then he hesitates, because he’s an idiot. “Unless you want me to keep my pants on—”

“Get naked then come _here,_ ” she snaps, stripping out of the rest of her clothes and reaching for him.

He’s warm and perfect, trying to brace himself over her even as she pulls him down. His mouth tastes of her. She blushes when it registers that her slick is all over his cheeks and his chin, but the feel of his hard cock against her thigh distracts her from saying anything. 

The head of his cock is wet against her skin, dripping already with precome, and he hasn’t even really been touched. He’s this aroused by eating her out alone. 

She shoves a hand between them to wrap around his length and the sound he makes is familiar—a bitten-off moan, sharp and startled. He always sounds just a little shocked when she first touches him like this.

“You good?” she asks when he ducks his head into the space between her shoulder and neck and sucks in a ragged breath.

“Yeah,” he says, sounding faintly embarrassed. There’s a flush blooming along his skin, a heat she wants to curl into. “I won’t last,” he admits as she twists her wrist the way she knows will have him coming apart fast.

She laughs and turns her face so that she can purr her delight into his reddened ear. “Good.” A shudder rolls through him at the word. She grins as she finds that sensitive spot at his throat and _bites._

“ _Jyn,_ ” he gasps, trembling and rutting into her fist, spilling over in no time at all. She mercilessly sucks a mark into his skin, satisfied that they’ll match. She lets go of his cock once she’s wrung him dry so that she can wrap her arms around him.

“I don’t want to crush you,” he protests, but she hooks her legs around him and shakes her head.

“See if I care. I told you to hold me.”

He compromises by landing just a little off to the side so his full weight isn’t completely on her. She clings to him, relishing in his bare skin, tracing idly over a few of his scars. She hadn’t known before him just how nice it would be to be naked with someone else, taking the time to learn the map of their body and breathe them in. 

They’re going to have to clean themselves up and get dressed again to grab dinner with the rest of their friends. Later still, they’ll get new orders to keep fighting for the Rebellion. But Jyn wants to soak this up for a few more minutes, fold it up and tuck it into her chest where she keeps her reasons to fight. To stay.

 _This is home,_ she thinks, listening to Cassian’s breath even out, his heartbeat steady beneath the palm she presses to his chest. _I’m happy._ The words feel too fragile to voice. Maybe she’s happy. Maybe one day she’ll tell him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a day late for the digital release, but hey! :D
> 
> Endless amounts of thanks to [eisoj5](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Eisoj5/pseuds/Eisoj5) again for the lightning fast beta work and for being my biggest cheerleader. <3
> 
> I have a tag on [tumblr](http://brynnmclean.tumblr.com/tagged/cast-some-light) for this if you want to come yell at me!
> 
>  **ETA** : A ficlet of Cassian's POV from this fic can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15315234/chapters/35533131)!
> 
> Also, chronologically speaking, the first chapter of my Awkward Relationship Conversations fic, [heavy on your shoulders](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12318576/chapters/28006800) fits in between this fic and the next part of the 'verse. <3


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